Mumbai, Jan 21: Filmmaker Ram Gopal Varma said he cried while watching “Satya” when it re-released last week after 27 years because he realised he had become drunk on its success and his later films, gimmicky and with shock value, didn’t have the same “honesty and integrity”.
Varma, considered one of the most original voices in Hindi cinema in the 90s and 2000s with the success of “Rangeela”, “Satya”, “Bhoot” and “Sarkar”, later came to be associated with mediocre projects such as “Ram Gopal Varma Ki Aag”, his remake of “Sholay”, “Rakta Charitra” and “God, Sex and Truth”.
He admitted as much on Monday in a long post on X, titled “A Satya confession to myself”, in which he bared his heart.
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“When the bright lights of a ‘Rangeela’ or a ‘Satya’ blinded me, I lost my vision and that explains my meandering into making films for shock value or for gimmick effect or to make a vulgar display of my technical wizardry or various other things equally meaningless and in that careless process, forgetting such a simple truth that technique utmost can elevate a given content but it can’t carry it.”
Admitting that he had lost his way, he said some of his later films might have been successful but he doesn’t believe any had the same “honesty and integrity” of “Satya”.
Varma said he started crying when he watched the cult hit ahead of its January 17 re-release and recognised that the tears were not just for the film but for “what happened since”.
“… I ignored the countless inspirations it sparked by dismissing it as just another step in my journey towards an objective less destination… I didn’t understand why, with all my so called intelligence, I did not set this film as a benchmark for whatever I should do in the future.
“I also realised I didn’t just cry for the tragedy in that film but I also cried in joy for that version of myself.. And I cried in guilt for my betrayals of all those who trusted me due to ‘Satya’. I became drunk, not on alcohol, but on my own success and my arrogance though I didn’t know this till two days back,” Varma wrote.
The 62-year-old equated making films to giving birth to a child without knowing the future. As someone “too obsessed with what’s next”, he said he forgot to pause and reflect on the beauty he had created.
The filmmaker said his “unique vision” drove him to create something path breaking in cinema but also “blinded” him to what he made next.
“I became a man hurriedly running so fast looking up towards the horizon that I forgot to look down at the garden I’d planted beneath my feet, and that explains my various falls from grace.
“I obviously can’t make any amends now for what I already did, but I promised myself two nights back while wiping away my tears that every film I make from now onwards will be made with a reverence towards why I wanted to become a director in the first place.”
The filmmaker said he may not be able to make a film like “Satya” ever again but not even having the intention to do so is “an unpardonable crime against cinema”. (PTI)
